* the right one *

A friend asked me a few times before, "How do you know if he's the one? The right one?" "Well...." I said, " you'll know lah somehow...like gut instincts"

Then again, when I look back into my few past relationships (so few I still have balance fingers if counting on just one hand!); they were actually quite doomed cases but I went through them like...you got it! They were the ones!

I lived them, took all their stories, their excuses, their terms and their limited support while I gave them my youth, my tolerance, my support and so on. All in the name of LOVE.
I'm not saying I was the perfect girl friend nor were they the perfect men though at that time they did...but I learnt a lot of things from them.

Like patience, tolerance, being supportive, turning many blind eyes, making excuses, laughing, crying, compassion, understanding, independance (especially after a break up!), living together, sharing, not sharing, accepting, compromising and on and on and on....but most of all...TRUST.

These guys demanded 100% trust of me and I did and...the rest you can figure. I am the ultimate loyal nut ok and I'd even turn my back on my own flesh and blood for the man...well at least 80%.

So I am now without a man since 2000. I tried to open my heart to a few but they didn't reciprocate as I had hoped. Then last year, an old friend turned up and sparks flew and I was all hooked! Sadly, he backed out. What can I say?

Well what I am trying to say my dear friend, I have come to the conclusion that there is no 'the right one'. It's all a myth! Because at the end of day, even if you are sure he is the right one, it may not work out.

I figured that the right one does not fall on your lap or doorstep whatever. The right one is when you are sure of your feelings for him (vv) and you work at keeping it right with a clear head and compromise and trust. And as long as that works out, then you are right to make it the right one.

Am I making sense? Sorry...what with what I have gone through...this is my conclusion of the right one. In short, make the best of what you have and all will be right.

Right? :)

P/S: to those of you who have found their right ones, hallelujah! (No pun intended.)

to those of us who have not or yet to have....if you love them enough, make the best of it. Too much to ask? You to decide.

Shalom.

* Fei tut tut ~ part 3 *

Alas! My Sonny has left the nest today. I had just taken him to his new home. Thankfully he was very comfortable with my mum's friend but a bit perplexed as we left.

As he's always been travelling with me in the car to my friends' homes and playing with their dogs, he must have thought this was the same old routine. Boy, he's gonna be wondering why I have not come back later.

Sigh....it's sad when you have to let go. He must have sensed something amiss since yesterday. He'd been less active with his jaws on me and actually tailed me more often than usual.

The only consolation I have is that he has a good loving home and a one year old female german shepherd to reckon with. With his personality, he'll bring her around to his side easily.

My nephew and help came along cos they are close to him whenever I am not around. It was no doubt a subdued mood in the car as we left and I drove to the nearest Indian shop to get some curries for dinner. That kinda helped a bit.

I went home and Guzz was buzzing about looking for him. It felt quiet without Sonny running around and jumping at Guzz or going after my plants....

Someone told me, 'if you love somebody you have to let him free' and how true. Just because this is the cutest stage and we are all getting attached.... it wouldn't be fair to let his new owners not share in his cute stages....

Sigh...I miss him already. 'Next time' I told my nephew, 'we take it straight to the centre' in case he does it again. The attachment and the love to Sonny aka Fei tut tut aka Killer aka Cute cute aka Dow is very strong on my part cos the rascal sleeps with me on my bed every night!

Well my dear darling son....God has led you to this good home close to us, where we can visit you anytime. PLease do not continue the biting business as it's not a lucrative deal and just keep flashing those cute grins and adorable eyes to melt the hardest of hearts as you push your limits.

We will not forget you Benson aka Sonny aka Fei tut tut aka Cute cute aka Dow aka Killer. You have brought so much joy to us and may you continue to do so in your new home.

Woof! Woof!

* Another day *

Waking to the sound of cars whizzing by
The bed boards creak as I struggle to get up.
Err...wait! Could be my bones creaking!
Take a few deep breaths
fresh air awakening my senses...
Another huff and I take my first step.
Radio blaring above the shower,
hear a frog joining in the chorus.
Err... wait! That ain't no frog!

Put on my clothes and dry my hair.
Slip in my shoes and grab my bags.
Follow my nose to the nearest shop
Order my breakfast no hesitations.
Coffee slowly waking my brain cells
gonna need it because
It's another new day
Wonder what's in store.
All good I hope...
otherwise I'm going back to bed!

( another :P )

~ 27 april 2004 ~

*get what you get*

There've been days when I sit down
with my pencil and book.
And the words just gush out
losing some along the way.
Then there've been days I sit and I sit...
wracking my head till it hurts
Not a word, no no.
So I up and leave in a blazing fit
Truly, like a drama queen.

Some days you have it
trying so hard to keep with the flow
Your hand starts to ache
scribbling as fast as you can
Blood rushing to your head
You think you're gonna explode!

Then the days that you don't
pencil in your hand
empty page in your face
dull ache in your head.
'Writer's block' they say.
I say 'there ain't nothing there today.'

So face it, some days you have it
Some days you don't.
It's good old fashion summing
You get what you get.

:P

~ 27th April 2004 ~