* all in the mind *

~ 31st july 2006 ~

I have a problem. It's a curse actually to have an overactive imagination where the ghouls and haunts are concerned. Having to travel as often as I do, there are tons of stories out there of the 'other' side of the world where restless or tormented or vengeful or unsettled or even mischievous spirits roam about beside us. Sometimes we can feel their presences whether intentionally or not.

I am amongst the many living who rather not encounter any of these presences. No pun intended. However, on the couple of occasions I have felt which are mildly cold chills and once the sound of the light switch being turned on and off too many times....I learnt to keep my mouth shut and start saying my prayers.

Whether you do believe these exist is one thing and to experience is another. I have had several close shaves where I was almost possessed but with friends who do believe, helped me out of them.

Through them I learnt that we cannot defy their existence and that not all of them are bad. There is no reason why we can't live side by side as long as we keep to our own spaces and not provoke anything unbecoming.

Movies like the Six Sense and The Others....those were really good twists with a tinge of sadness to the souls who didn't realise. Would some of us experience such twists in our time who knows? I wouldn't want to. In fact, nobody in their right frame of mind would want to.

Sadly, my over active imagination is the ultimate silent killer where stories like these are told. Mind you, I do enjoy watching horror movies and don't scream like some people do when the going gets frightening. I can sometimes shout out like a movie director at the actors on what to do during the movie.

I have actually learnt to cope quite well on my own but lately, a colleague told a story of a woman in a hotel bathroom who stares at you from the mirror on a certain floor ( heck! My hair is standing now!!! ) and I am going there very soon.

That scene has played over and over in my mind for a long time and I have not had a proper night's sleep since I found out I have a trip there this week. The last time I was there which was when I heard the tale, I had a hard time going to the loo. The showers I took were so fast and I never stopped praying. I was so afraid of looking into the mirror and I was exhausted by the time I checked out! A total mess!!

Now, my mind keeps reminding me and I am already a big mass of nerves waiting to scream uncontrollably. I just can't help it! Somehow or other, this particular story has affected me and I am scared shitless. Honestly, this is no boost to my ego blogging this openly.

I asked a friend to come stay the night with me but he said I have to conquer this on my own! Yeah right. Spend the whole bloody day out, wandering aimlessly to tire myself out so I can sleep the night without a care ( yeah right! ) and stay in bed and hold in whatever just so to avoid going to the loo as often as possible! Yeah, a whole bloody good it's gonna do me when I leave, bloodshot eyes, body puffed up from all the bladder control and a mass of nerves from lack of sleep! I'll probably look like a ghost when I get to work then. YEAH...........

' It's all in the mind', he said. ' If you believe in God, nothing can touch you.' Well my dear friend, it is in my mind and no matter how hard I try to control it, this is one area I have a huge weakness in. It's about the workings of my ' small ' mind and how it is spooking me even before I can get there!

Doesn't matter if the story is true or not, it's already there, stuck in my head and it's already starting its horrid works on me and if you can't be bothered to be supportive of my stupid mind and fears, just say so.

I can cope with pain and rejection and disappointments and bad news and realities and deaths, etc. But this.....it is already in my head and I just can't shake it off. Sure, I believe in God and that He wouldn't let horrible things happen to us but He can't control our minds cos we have to do it ourselves and I just can't cope with this particular place.

Anyway, I will do the trip and if I have to survive the whole 'mind' thing on my own, what else can I say? All I can do is pray a lot and very hard and ask God not to let her or my mind spook me! I just hope I don't come back looking like one.

My other fear is I won't end up hurting myself dashing in and out of the bath in my haste...oh well, ' all in the mind '.

* living in a suitcase *

~ 27th August 2006 ~

Oh wow! It's about 3 months since my last entry. Now that's procrastination.
Yet again, I do have my reasons....call them excuses but all the same......reasons....

1. My sister came back on a month holiday in May with her good friend and in between work and leave, was busy driving, entertaining, eating, chilling.....
2. It took me another week to recover from their visit before I could settle slowly into my normal routine.
3. I was sent on long trips so often, I was quite jet lag recovering in between time zones.
4. Yeah, yeah...with all the rushing about and recoveries, etc; I was too tired and lazy to type or think for that matter.

So what's happened this morning? I woke up at 4am, my mind is so busy I could not get a good shut eye for the rest of the morning. I wrote an email, had breakfast and just discovered my dog's box of biscuits had a huge hole in the bottom corner, courtesy of Mickey's friends or relatives!

So I guess I have been inspired to write...haha! Yet the subject in mind is not related to anything I have mentioned earlier except work...well, partly.

My job takes me away from home very often and I am usually 'off' about 10-15 days tops every month. Sometimes I go away for a week or more, sometimes less and others, just for the day. Through all my years of travelling, I have acquired 3 suitcases. Two large ones and a smaller one for short trips. And you can find lots of stuff in them when I am not travelling because I cant be bothered to clear them out everytime I get back except soiled clothes and perishables.

Living in a suitcase most of the month has made me noticed something really bad happening in my larder and fridge. It's a living haven for expired goodies. A perfect laboratory to scientists and an absolute disgust to health environmentalists.

Yes, I used to buy loads of chocolates and biscuits from around the world with sincere intentions to give them away to family and friends and to scoff some myself in front of the telly on my off days. Somehow, the ones intended for sole scoffing end up still alive for months after as I am too tired to scoff or sick or just plain forget them when I do get better!

When I do remember, I find them perfect as gifts but I have to check the expiry dates first. Sadly these days, I seem to remember them a little too late, sometimes way too late! Yet the thought of dumping them into the bin seems such a waste...I would check them first and if they look and taste as good as they should, errr.......yeah, then I scoff them. So far I have been blessed without a fatal rash or breakouts or food poisoning after consuming the so called expired goodies.

The lesson I have learnt now is not to buy or at least, just the minimum for the family and friends. No more for sole scoffing or stashing for future giveaways,etc and it has been a very good saver's deed to my pocket ~ grin.

I even had to learn to stop stocking my freezer with meats of all kinds as I hardly have time to cook. A visit to the market is uncontrollable as I come home with various varieties of vegetables and spices and meats and seafood....My mum would shake her head and I noticed lately I have a pack of sausages from early this year or was it the year before? Some lovely german frankfurters.

I guess most of you must be shaking your heads in disgust, I know. But that's what living in a suitcase does to you. When you are away, you plan to cook something you missed when you get home. You pop to the market, get everything you need and pick up what you may need or don't need and before you know it, you've got more than you need. Then time runs out on you and you can't use up all of them and you tell yourself, 'when I get back....' and when you do, you either sort it out or you forget about it.

Yes, I am learning to stop all this nonsense. Been reading the news about food being frozen and kept past expiry dates etc and the bacterias and stuff that grows ..... I must add that not every person who lives in a suitcase like me are doing the same but I have heard of similar stories from fellow friends.

So what is the moral of this story? Don't stock up unnecessarily and allow for unwanted beings in your food larders and fridges. Take good care of your health and value what you have.

As for me, I am going to die of some weird disease when I get old and one day, some smart ass is gonna say, " It's all about living in a suitcase".

* grimace *