* cute or not? *

Ok...I simply don't know how to actually blog this without drawing wrath or maybe cause some wrinkles in disgust or dismay.....but I shall try to wreathe these true series of events as carefully as I can without wronging anyone. Yes, yes...i am in a 'wr..' mode with dictionary at hand to inspire the way the story will be written.

Less than a week ago, I heard Guzz's dog tag hit the ground too often. Either he was lying down and his tag dragged on the floor with his wriggling or he was attacking something small causing his tag to hit the floor each time he bent down.

By the time I got to the door, the little poor rat was wrestled to death. I called out to Guzz to leave it while I opened the door and stood there looking first at it to make sure it didn't move otherwise that would have wreaked total chaos if it got up and ran across my feet!

Then I looked at Guzz, he looks at me and then at the rat and we kept shifting eye contact for another 45 seconds while I wrangled with my inner self on what to do next! I gave Guzz another wrathful glare and he stepped back. With a long pair of tongs and a plastic bag, I prodded at it to make sure.

I tell you, it was no easy task for me. I kept apologising to this little dead rat for its death and making sure the bag was opened wide enough with the top folded over halfway.....I gingerly picked it up and felt my heart drop as its lifeless body folded over. Quickly I slipped it into the opening and lifted the sides and tied it up with three knots!

Sigh...yes, I was afraid of this lifeless tiny fella and it made me sad that the cycle of life had to be such. I couldn't really wreak much wrath at Guzz cos he was doing something natural and he took it as his duty to do a good job thus I was obligated to reward him. In case you had not read my earlier ramblings, I did write about how I chastise him for letting the mickeys run freely in our place. ETC

Anyway, two days later...I was in my porch with Guzz and I saw a strange shape from the stand amongst the plants. There was a drabby plastic cover over the stand and I moved to the left to have a better look. That was when it moved!!

There it was, sitting on my empty pots and staring back at me with a 'errr....think I'm done' look on its face. One more step to the left and it disappeared behind the stand and ran off along the side wall to the drain and this was when Guzz realised and gave chase. It was also then I thought I heard some squeeks made not by one but more.

I mentioned this to my neighbour that night and he prepared the trap. I carefully placed it near the stand with some pot plants around it to prevent Guzz from moving it and went into the house.

As I set about arranging 300 photo prints into correct piles I heard Guzz's tag move the wrong way and I knew. Reaching for the keys and a torch, Guzz was already yelping in excitement. I went to call my neighbour and he came and took it away, surprised cos it was not more than 25 minutes since I took it from him!

While waiting for him to reset the trap, I shone my torch around the area hoping to see more when I realised the last inch of a tail was in view in the drain below me. I almost jumped out of my skin and cast the light in that direction. The tail disappeared and later a face peered at me.

Once again, the trap set, I went back to my pile but was interrupted within ten minutes. Guzz was more frantic this time to get at it and I had to tie him so I could get my neighbour again. He was surprised as well at how fast it took.

So once again I tried shining my torch around while waiting for him to bring back the trap. And so again, I went back to the waiting pile. Within half an hour I heard loud squeeks but nothing from Guzz. I looked outside my window and there was Guzz trying to get close but not making a sound while the little mickey was squeeking furiously in the trap. He must have figured by keeping quiet, he'd get more time to 'play' with it before it disappeared.

Again my neighbour came and we kinda laughed at how gullible these three little fellas were caught in such a short space of time! It was truly the case of the blind leading the blind. What sadden me was, none of them were anywhere as big as the one who stared at me from the stand. These three 'blind 'rats were babies actually. They must have a nest or a familiar area in my place to keep coming back. Also I think they were hungry.

We set the trap for the fourth time and this time I said I was not coming out to check. It'd have to wait till the morning which remained empty for the rest of the day. I was away the next morning and I had asked for help to clear my potted plants and also to check for the 'nest' - in case.

The maid found it was occupied and I noticed my neighbour was not in. So we placed the trap aside while we cleared and cleaned the place. Guzz went ballistics, I had to keep yelling at him to pipe down. I looked at it and it was another young one and my heart melted. I felt sorry for it and........quickly threw in a small slice of bread.

As we continued with our work, we snuck some glances to see if it was active. When it was quiet, we thought it had fainted or died but as we neared it, it scurried to the other end. It was a scorcher today and I realised the little fella must be feeling as hot as us. So I poured some water on one end of the bread it had partially eaten and it was touching to see it lapping at the sides where it flowed out from the side of the bread.

I told the maid, if my neighbour was not back in the hour, we'll let it go in some field. Not the right thing to do given the fact of what damage they are capable of when older but I was kinda getting soft on it.

Of course as the way things went, he was back in ten minutes and came over to collect his trap and the cute fella. Believe me, I would have liked to set it free but realistically...these mickeys have wrecked quite a number of my things and I am afraid they may pass some disease to Guzz while entering his food container someday.

What saddens me mostly is, including the one Guzz caught earlier and these four , they were all babies. Where are the parents? If they are so smart, why did they not keep their babies at bay? Questions. No answers. Well at least not from the horse's mouth or mickey, in this blog.

So, I can't wrap this with wit or wry and please don't be mad at me for being soft or silly. It was hard to write about it but I felt it had to be told. Life is such; when young, all is cute and adorable but some turn on you when they get older and that's where the circle of life's realities set in.

Sigh....goodbye my babies. Wish you were not on my watch though.

* what's friendship? *

Whenever people tell me how nice I am and that they are rooting for me to meet the right man and settle down blah, blah, blah.....I feel like a hypocrite. I don't feel flattered nor pleased because of the shit that happens to me.

Many times, whenever I get too close with new found friendships, I get the cold treatment from out of the blue for no reason. I usually don't get a chance to ask why or given an answer. I end up getting depressed wondering what happened slowly working up to agitation being shuffed in the cold with no explanation and disappointment at maybe losing a friendship that I thought was going so well.

After I get into the angry zone and don't care to know anymore; most come back as if nothing's happened and expect things to pick up from where they left off. And that's when I get blooming pissed off cos I can't pretend and I end up being the nasty one cos I am not understanding and good enough to let it go.

Heck! Let what go??!!! I was given the cold shoulder; made to feel the cause of the cold ~ whatever it was; made to feel I had probably wronged with my directness and ought to have done something about it...and now I should be more understanding and take the blame (of what?) and put it all behind us like nothing's happened???

I have had enough of this bullshit. It's been happening a bit too often and I am fed up of having to apologise for anything that I might have said or done to offend my 'victims' when I am not even given the chance to know why the cold came about in the first place.

All that I had been during the good times, my good and bad sides; my happiness and problems were all shared from the heart and with sincerity. I accepted my friends with all their good and bad and whatever shit they gave I took in good faith and friendship. If there was anything I didn't like, I would say so. Sometimes eventually, pussy footing to their sensitiveness. Sometimes I don't say anything cos I know they can't accept. But I still keep it going, adjusting to their ways of thinking and not be easily affected by their idiosyncrasies as I have mine too.

I know I too can be a bit much and I try to catch myself in time and apologise accordingly before I hurt them badly. Yet, the gesture is not returned to me in some cases and I still go past it sometimes grumbling but I take it. I don't put people in the cold unless they totally 'up my blood'. They would know cos I would tell them a few times that I am getting annoyed and when they continue to do so, I keep quiet. More so that I don't end up saying the wrong thing.

Most times, these people know I am pissed and they would keep away and somehow look victimised. Me, I just keep quiet, not expecting any apologies or anything. Just some time to cool off and see how. But the others, in good faith try to patch us up. Somehow, I get told off for not being more understanding of my 'victim's' ways and to bring back the warmth!

Why is it that I always have to be the 'one' to make things right when I was wronged in the first place? All these bullshit about being patient and forget about it and take it easy and be the better one, etc.....I end up the bad guy they are trying to reform!

Enough is enough. If a friend gives me the cold shoulder without explaining and later wants things to go back as if nothing happened without resolving the initial problems first....forget it. After having berated myself, my personality and made to look the heel for the whole fiasco created by someone else in the first place.......I have sat in the cold too long to want to listen to any reasoning.

A simple,' Hey friend, sorry about what happened ....'.would have softened me and I would go into a 'yeah, what the hell happened?' and knowing me, I'd be trying to resolve the whole thing asap. But to ignore what happened and start again...that'd be difficult cos I'd still be in the dark about what actually happened and I'd be on my guard more and that would put a strain on the whole friendship thing.

I don't know if I am making any sense here. I am just tired of being misunderstood for my honesty and sincerity and beliefs. I am tired of being everybody's scape goat when they get sensitive. I am tired of trying to solve something I know nothing about. I am tired of being told I am a nice person because I sure as hell don't feel I deserve that at all.

Because for me to feel all this tiredness and being fed up and being put in the cold a few times....I must be a bad person to have this happening to me. So please, I am who I am. Crass, direct and opinionated. Helpful, sincere and willing to listen doesn't necessarily make me a nice person. Sounds more nosy than good.

I only ask for your sincerity as a friend and truth. The rest...we work on it together.
Shalom.

* Chirpy chirp Guzz *

~ 02 august 2006 ~

I have to blog this because it's been going on too long. The dog is either too kind or just lazy .

At first it was cute when I noticed some birds would perch on his food bowl and help themselves while he sat a short distance away watching the road. He knew they were there and he was fine with it. Sometimes they'd be on the floor walking about around him while he sits there, smiling.

Yes, my dog has a smile or at least a pleasant face when he is at ease. I live near a school and the kids mostly can't resist calling out at him when he sits at the gate watching them. Many who have waited in front of my place for their rides tend to pat him and the bugger likes it. Some watchdog.

He likes kids and people. Little Vincent from next door, about a year and half years old; is one of Guzz's favourite. When I used to chat with his mum over the fence, Guzz would stand on my flower pots (which stood in between us) for better leverage so as to get a better look at the small boy.

Now Vincent is wobbling around on his own and whenever Guzz hears him outside, he is there paws up on the wall, trying to peer into the other side. Even Vincent is getting used to Guzz and has sometimes put a hand through the fence to touch Guzz. Very touching sight actually, brings tears to your eyes as these two slowly connect....HAHAHAHA

Anyway, back to the birds.....they are a pain. They get together on my gate, 'chirp chirping' non stop at the top of their high voices without any consideration. Sometimes they start so early, I can't sleep. I honestly didn't find them a bother until they started showing their ungrateful side.

Those birds poo everywhere. They poo down my gate, my wall, my car, Guzz's doghouse and even on my porch floor when the car isn't there! It was so annoying cos sometimes by the time I get back, it's been there a couple of days and God knows what they eat, it is quite difficult to totally clean off some of it! Plus these ungrateful free loaders sometimes poo in poor Guzz's water bowl and feed bowl!

Talk about manners. I've been barking at Guzz for some time about it now and he occassionally does a 'shoo' when I am within sight. He even allows Mickey around. My neighbour said he's seen a tiny head bop over the bowl a few times. The dog is sharing his food with the rat!

I once saw a rat run across the front of my house. It saw me coming out and it ran as fast as it could from the direction of my flower pots! And where was my trusted watchdog? Relaxing in the center of the porch and not a twitch when the fella scurried away right in front of his eyes!!

When I shouted then did Guzz realise I was behind him and he quickly did a big show of jumping up and running to where we last saw mickey's tail disappear! Oh..he put up a good show alright, turning abruptly at the scene of disappearance then towards me and then sniffed along the starting trail then again towards me....the whole show took a mere minute before I gave in to the tirade I released on him.

He looked pretty contrite as I berated him about the birds and now mickey. Blah, blah, blah and he just sat there, trying to look as sorry as he could. Two days later, I almost died when I saw Sonny (remember him?) sniffing at something soft near the car door. Guzz had placed the dead mickey in front of the car door so that I won't miss it when I came out! Of course, he was praised and given rewards. I still cringe at how I had to rid off the dead rat. So soft and ...so soft. Urgh!

Anyway, everything is back to the beginning. The birds are back and new mickeys around cos they had actually come into my house and gnawed on the bottom of his biscuits box. And I am back to barking at him about it and he does his song and dance quite a bit since.

Honestly, I don't mind the birds and mickey. As long as they stay outside and not mess up my place or attack my things, it's okay. But my dog....he is just too kind to them and somedays I don't know whether to squeeze every breath out of him in anger or squeeze him with love for his kind soul.

Sigh.........

* get over it *

~ 01st august 2006 ~

After blogging my fears of an impending trip yesterday, I watched The Skeleton Key starring Kate Hudson. Wasn't a wee bit afraid during or after. The idea was, as I could not sleep, I might as well watch a movie and as this was the nearest, I thought to myself, "why not? Since I am already spooked, maybe this might help."

Well, the only good thing that came out of the whole thing was I managed to sleep through the whole night without waking up several times as usual. Maybe cos I was too exhausted with the lacking and disturbed sleep lately.

My friend offered to book me a room at a hotel nearby but I turned it down as I am travelling in a group. He said he's been to the same hotel many times and nothing has happened to him. Assuring me that room 1002 is haunted cos he's been there! Haha?

Look. I am not saying as if everyone who stays there will by affected by this ghost. It's just a story I heard from friends who knew some people who were and it's all playing in my mind now. That's all.

Why do we let our minds think this way to scare ourselves? It's so stupid is it not? But is that not the trappings of the human mind? Some see things that are not there; some hear voices; some believe themselves incapable of doing certain things when they are in every way capable; some others think they are in full control ( these scare me...:P ); some...like me, have over active imaginations.

Sad really at how we let our minds control us yet that is the one thing we depend on a lot. Our minds keep us informed and thinking and moving. Just that some of us get carried away in other areas brought on by our weaknesses or chemical imbalances in the brain or whatever.

Anyway, I just wanna say ' Thank you ' to my friend for his valiant efforts to appease my mind today. A poor attempt at humour didn't really help as I needed more than words but coming from him who believes it's all in the mind, it was a nice gesture to offer some alternative and his cheers. Though I know that these were not his intentions, I did feel a slap in the face and an underlining message... "get over it" somewhere.

I guess I will have to get over with it as I am still going and I will be on my own and like it or not, face the whole damn shit! I wish I had a simpler mind and am not so easily spooked by these stories...It's not about being tough or strong or about believing in God or being able to handle it but... who am I to say?

So what's the verdict? Just bloody get over it!
Yeah....................................right!

* all in the mind *

~ 31st july 2006 ~

I have a problem. It's a curse actually to have an overactive imagination where the ghouls and haunts are concerned. Having to travel as often as I do, there are tons of stories out there of the 'other' side of the world where restless or tormented or vengeful or unsettled or even mischievous spirits roam about beside us. Sometimes we can feel their presences whether intentionally or not.

I am amongst the many living who rather not encounter any of these presences. No pun intended. However, on the couple of occasions I have felt which are mildly cold chills and once the sound of the light switch being turned on and off too many times....I learnt to keep my mouth shut and start saying my prayers.

Whether you do believe these exist is one thing and to experience is another. I have had several close shaves where I was almost possessed but with friends who do believe, helped me out of them.

Through them I learnt that we cannot defy their existence and that not all of them are bad. There is no reason why we can't live side by side as long as we keep to our own spaces and not provoke anything unbecoming.

Movies like the Six Sense and The Others....those were really good twists with a tinge of sadness to the souls who didn't realise. Would some of us experience such twists in our time who knows? I wouldn't want to. In fact, nobody in their right frame of mind would want to.

Sadly, my over active imagination is the ultimate silent killer where stories like these are told. Mind you, I do enjoy watching horror movies and don't scream like some people do when the going gets frightening. I can sometimes shout out like a movie director at the actors on what to do during the movie.

I have actually learnt to cope quite well on my own but lately, a colleague told a story of a woman in a hotel bathroom who stares at you from the mirror on a certain floor ( heck! My hair is standing now!!! ) and I am going there very soon.

That scene has played over and over in my mind for a long time and I have not had a proper night's sleep since I found out I have a trip there this week. The last time I was there which was when I heard the tale, I had a hard time going to the loo. The showers I took were so fast and I never stopped praying. I was so afraid of looking into the mirror and I was exhausted by the time I checked out! A total mess!!

Now, my mind keeps reminding me and I am already a big mass of nerves waiting to scream uncontrollably. I just can't help it! Somehow or other, this particular story has affected me and I am scared shitless. Honestly, this is no boost to my ego blogging this openly.

I asked a friend to come stay the night with me but he said I have to conquer this on my own! Yeah right. Spend the whole bloody day out, wandering aimlessly to tire myself out so I can sleep the night without a care ( yeah right! ) and stay in bed and hold in whatever just so to avoid going to the loo as often as possible! Yeah, a whole bloody good it's gonna do me when I leave, bloodshot eyes, body puffed up from all the bladder control and a mass of nerves from lack of sleep! I'll probably look like a ghost when I get to work then. YEAH...........

' It's all in the mind', he said. ' If you believe in God, nothing can touch you.' Well my dear friend, it is in my mind and no matter how hard I try to control it, this is one area I have a huge weakness in. It's about the workings of my ' small ' mind and how it is spooking me even before I can get there!

Doesn't matter if the story is true or not, it's already there, stuck in my head and it's already starting its horrid works on me and if you can't be bothered to be supportive of my stupid mind and fears, just say so.

I can cope with pain and rejection and disappointments and bad news and realities and deaths, etc. But this.....it is already in my head and I just can't shake it off. Sure, I believe in God and that He wouldn't let horrible things happen to us but He can't control our minds cos we have to do it ourselves and I just can't cope with this particular place.

Anyway, I will do the trip and if I have to survive the whole 'mind' thing on my own, what else can I say? All I can do is pray a lot and very hard and ask God not to let her or my mind spook me! I just hope I don't come back looking like one.

My other fear is I won't end up hurting myself dashing in and out of the bath in my haste...oh well, ' all in the mind '.

* living in a suitcase *

~ 27th August 2006 ~

Oh wow! It's about 3 months since my last entry. Now that's procrastination.
Yet again, I do have my reasons....call them excuses but all the same......reasons....

1. My sister came back on a month holiday in May with her good friend and in between work and leave, was busy driving, entertaining, eating, chilling.....
2. It took me another week to recover from their visit before I could settle slowly into my normal routine.
3. I was sent on long trips so often, I was quite jet lag recovering in between time zones.
4. Yeah, yeah...with all the rushing about and recoveries, etc; I was too tired and lazy to type or think for that matter.

So what's happened this morning? I woke up at 4am, my mind is so busy I could not get a good shut eye for the rest of the morning. I wrote an email, had breakfast and just discovered my dog's box of biscuits had a huge hole in the bottom corner, courtesy of Mickey's friends or relatives!

So I guess I have been inspired to write...haha! Yet the subject in mind is not related to anything I have mentioned earlier except work...well, partly.

My job takes me away from home very often and I am usually 'off' about 10-15 days tops every month. Sometimes I go away for a week or more, sometimes less and others, just for the day. Through all my years of travelling, I have acquired 3 suitcases. Two large ones and a smaller one for short trips. And you can find lots of stuff in them when I am not travelling because I cant be bothered to clear them out everytime I get back except soiled clothes and perishables.

Living in a suitcase most of the month has made me noticed something really bad happening in my larder and fridge. It's a living haven for expired goodies. A perfect laboratory to scientists and an absolute disgust to health environmentalists.

Yes, I used to buy loads of chocolates and biscuits from around the world with sincere intentions to give them away to family and friends and to scoff some myself in front of the telly on my off days. Somehow, the ones intended for sole scoffing end up still alive for months after as I am too tired to scoff or sick or just plain forget them when I do get better!

When I do remember, I find them perfect as gifts but I have to check the expiry dates first. Sadly these days, I seem to remember them a little too late, sometimes way too late! Yet the thought of dumping them into the bin seems such a waste...I would check them first and if they look and taste as good as they should, errr.......yeah, then I scoff them. So far I have been blessed without a fatal rash or breakouts or food poisoning after consuming the so called expired goodies.

The lesson I have learnt now is not to buy or at least, just the minimum for the family and friends. No more for sole scoffing or stashing for future giveaways,etc and it has been a very good saver's deed to my pocket ~ grin.

I even had to learn to stop stocking my freezer with meats of all kinds as I hardly have time to cook. A visit to the market is uncontrollable as I come home with various varieties of vegetables and spices and meats and seafood....My mum would shake her head and I noticed lately I have a pack of sausages from early this year or was it the year before? Some lovely german frankfurters.

I guess most of you must be shaking your heads in disgust, I know. But that's what living in a suitcase does to you. When you are away, you plan to cook something you missed when you get home. You pop to the market, get everything you need and pick up what you may need or don't need and before you know it, you've got more than you need. Then time runs out on you and you can't use up all of them and you tell yourself, 'when I get back....' and when you do, you either sort it out or you forget about it.

Yes, I am learning to stop all this nonsense. Been reading the news about food being frozen and kept past expiry dates etc and the bacterias and stuff that grows ..... I must add that not every person who lives in a suitcase like me are doing the same but I have heard of similar stories from fellow friends.

So what is the moral of this story? Don't stock up unnecessarily and allow for unwanted beings in your food larders and fridges. Take good care of your health and value what you have.

As for me, I am going to die of some weird disease when I get old and one day, some smart ass is gonna say, " It's all about living in a suitcase".

* grimace *

* the right one *

A friend asked me a few times before, "How do you know if he's the one? The right one?" "Well...." I said, " you'll know lah somehow...like gut instincts"

Then again, when I look back into my few past relationships (so few I still have balance fingers if counting on just one hand!); they were actually quite doomed cases but I went through them like...you got it! They were the ones!

I lived them, took all their stories, their excuses, their terms and their limited support while I gave them my youth, my tolerance, my support and so on. All in the name of LOVE.
I'm not saying I was the perfect girl friend nor were they the perfect men though at that time they did...but I learnt a lot of things from them.

Like patience, tolerance, being supportive, turning many blind eyes, making excuses, laughing, crying, compassion, understanding, independance (especially after a break up!), living together, sharing, not sharing, accepting, compromising and on and on and on....but most of all...TRUST.

These guys demanded 100% trust of me and I did and...the rest you can figure. I am the ultimate loyal nut ok and I'd even turn my back on my own flesh and blood for the man...well at least 80%.

So I am now without a man since 2000. I tried to open my heart to a few but they didn't reciprocate as I had hoped. Then last year, an old friend turned up and sparks flew and I was all hooked! Sadly, he backed out. What can I say?

Well what I am trying to say my dear friend, I have come to the conclusion that there is no 'the right one'. It's all a myth! Because at the end of day, even if you are sure he is the right one, it may not work out.

I figured that the right one does not fall on your lap or doorstep whatever. The right one is when you are sure of your feelings for him (vv) and you work at keeping it right with a clear head and compromise and trust. And as long as that works out, then you are right to make it the right one.

Am I making sense? Sorry...what with what I have gone through...this is my conclusion of the right one. In short, make the best of what you have and all will be right.

Right? :)

P/S: to those of you who have found their right ones, hallelujah! (No pun intended.)

to those of us who have not or yet to have....if you love them enough, make the best of it. Too much to ask? You to decide.

Shalom.

* Fei tut tut ~ part 3 *

Alas! My Sonny has left the nest today. I had just taken him to his new home. Thankfully he was very comfortable with my mum's friend but a bit perplexed as we left.

As he's always been travelling with me in the car to my friends' homes and playing with their dogs, he must have thought this was the same old routine. Boy, he's gonna be wondering why I have not come back later.

Sigh....it's sad when you have to let go. He must have sensed something amiss since yesterday. He'd been less active with his jaws on me and actually tailed me more often than usual.

The only consolation I have is that he has a good loving home and a one year old female german shepherd to reckon with. With his personality, he'll bring her around to his side easily.

My nephew and help came along cos they are close to him whenever I am not around. It was no doubt a subdued mood in the car as we left and I drove to the nearest Indian shop to get some curries for dinner. That kinda helped a bit.

I went home and Guzz was buzzing about looking for him. It felt quiet without Sonny running around and jumping at Guzz or going after my plants....

Someone told me, 'if you love somebody you have to let him free' and how true. Just because this is the cutest stage and we are all getting attached.... it wouldn't be fair to let his new owners not share in his cute stages....

Sigh...I miss him already. 'Next time' I told my nephew, 'we take it straight to the centre' in case he does it again. The attachment and the love to Sonny aka Fei tut tut aka Killer aka Cute cute aka Dow is very strong on my part cos the rascal sleeps with me on my bed every night!

Well my dear darling son....God has led you to this good home close to us, where we can visit you anytime. PLease do not continue the biting business as it's not a lucrative deal and just keep flashing those cute grins and adorable eyes to melt the hardest of hearts as you push your limits.

We will not forget you Benson aka Sonny aka Fei tut tut aka Cute cute aka Dow aka Killer. You have brought so much joy to us and may you continue to do so in your new home.

Woof! Woof!

* Another day *

Waking to the sound of cars whizzing by
The bed boards creak as I struggle to get up.
Err...wait! Could be my bones creaking!
Take a few deep breaths
fresh air awakening my senses...
Another huff and I take my first step.
Radio blaring above the shower,
hear a frog joining in the chorus.
Err... wait! That ain't no frog!

Put on my clothes and dry my hair.
Slip in my shoes and grab my bags.
Follow my nose to the nearest shop
Order my breakfast no hesitations.
Coffee slowly waking my brain cells
gonna need it because
It's another new day
Wonder what's in store.
All good I hope...
otherwise I'm going back to bed!

( another :P )

~ 27 april 2004 ~

*get what you get*

There've been days when I sit down
with my pencil and book.
And the words just gush out
losing some along the way.
Then there've been days I sit and I sit...
wracking my head till it hurts
Not a word, no no.
So I up and leave in a blazing fit
Truly, like a drama queen.

Some days you have it
trying so hard to keep with the flow
Your hand starts to ache
scribbling as fast as you can
Blood rushing to your head
You think you're gonna explode!

Then the days that you don't
pencil in your hand
empty page in your face
dull ache in your head.
'Writer's block' they say.
I say 'there ain't nothing there today.'

So face it, some days you have it
Some days you don't.
It's good old fashion summing
You get what you get.

:P

~ 27th April 2004 ~

* Fei tut tut ~ part two *

Remember Fei tut tut aka killer aka cute-cute aka sonny aka dow....well he just turned two months old on the 21st of March. And he is still with us...yes. The family he was due to stay with were too impatient to wait for him and they took another pup instead! I was crushed. Not because I want to get rid of him but I felt he had the right home to go to.

A shame really, I was all set to send him over this weekend but I guess it wasn't meant to be. I was quite upset after the phone call and I had to get away. Called a friend and packed up, Sonny and I left the house!

Believe me, if I had the opportunity, I'd keep him in a flash! He's such a darling when he's not biting. Haha! And he is so smart. He learnt to sit just after a month and knew what he could and could not do with his teeth.

Alas, as he is still so young, he now contradicts my early praises every once in awhile but I don't expect perfection and with his occasional defiance and cheekiness,

your days are never boring in his company. Then he has those moments when he would sidle up beside you and lay his head on your arm or tummy and look at you as if you're his whole world or gives a dreamy look and sleep right there.

I do hope we will be able to find him a good home with people who will love him unconditionally like us. The day he turned two months, he was in his element, playful and so full of energy!
You will see from the pics I am posting in here. Enjoy them....:)

What happens when a puppy runs out of steam??

Doggie Zzzzzsss.......! :)

* Fei tut tut *

This tiny newcomer…very, very tiny and so, so fragile…was nestled on a folded towel in a box resting on its side beside Sayang. When I came home, I was astonished at the sight!

“Sayang! You sneaky one. I didn’t even know you were pregnant.” I said to her as I dropped everything in my hands and picked up the little fella. “Just one, girl?” I rallied on while checking him out in my hands. She wagged her tail like a proud mum.

He wriggled a bit before settling comfortably in my palms, emitting little sounds. His eyes were tightly closed and I realised… so were his ears. My nephew then told me he had brought him home the day before from school. It was crawling in the carpark area with another and were being attacked by red ants.

So with one free hand left, he brought this fella home whilst his friend took the other. I looked him in the eye and said, “You know we can’t keep him right?”
“Why not?”
“Cos we have too many to handle and you are no help eventually.”
“But I have been taking care…” he spluttered.
“ I know but for how long?” he gave me a sheepish smile after I quoted an earlier example.
“ I am sorry” I said and he nodded as he understood what I was trying to say.

A dirty black he was with patch of white across his chest. He also wore whitish socks and carried a tiny white flag….much to the dismay of those superstitious chinese. Yet to us, he’s been a gem and everyone at home has taken a liking to him immediately.

Gauging from his unopened ears, eyes and size…he was about three days old when he came to us. That same evening I went to get a bottle and milk. They were feeding him with a syringe before then. I gave my nephews lessons in caring for such a young pup and how to make it do its ‘businesses’ as it had no mother to do so. Also, it is all part of hygiene and keeping it free from unwanted problems.

They were quite appalled at the whole thing at first but soon gave in to delight and the teasings they received as proud ‘father’ and ‘uncle’! I took it home with me whenever I was home long enough, more to relieve the maid and also not to let the boys get too attached to it as it had to go to a new home eventually.

True to their personalities, the boys soon left the feeding and cleaning up to the maid and only played with him as when they were off their real passion….computer games and PS2! Yet they still want to keep him but as we all know, ALL puppies are adorable but will you still adore them when they grow up?

This little fella is a definite mongrel but he has developed some very nice colouring likening it to the sled dogs, huskies. Pity we can’t keep him as we have too many here but Thank God, we have found him a home not far from us. A friend says they love dogs and had just lost their own recently, thus the eagerness to have this little one when they heard he needed a good home.

It’s about 7 weeks now since ‘cute cute’ (my nephew) aka ‘fei-tut-tut’, ‘killer’, ‘dow - david oliver wilshire’ (my crazy friends) aka ‘sonny boy’ as in a son to me; has come into our lives and he’s taken hearts wherever he has gone with me.

Yes, he’s a regular traveler whenever he is with me and has played with many different size dogs too. A friend’s cat had actually found his basket irresistibly tempting to jump into for some investigative confirmation that it was not the same species.

He’s grown out of his basket now and today I took him to the vet for a check up. He’d been poked and fed with meds and verdict…healthy and will grow to be a big fella. Got him puppy biscuits and chewable bones to try keep his teething to himself and not on our ankles, pants and us!

He’s become more curious and he’s learning how far he can ignore and barge on with his antics before receiving a tap from his teacher…the paper roll. He’s pretty good considering after his 10-30minutes of mucking about, he goes off to a cool spot and sleeps without bothering you. Frankly, we love to bug him when he’s asleep cos he’s so cute!

He’d groan and stretch and turn away but there we will be picking him up into laps and arms and hugging him, showering him with kisses…..my mum would tell us off but I guess that’s the only time you can do these without being chewed!

Guzz too enjoys playing with him cos he gets to finish Sonny's leftovers and now kindly allows the little fella to nibble into his chomp bowl!

Well, this is Sonny boy aka Fei tut tut ('fatty' in chinese) aka dow aka killer and this is his story of how God sent him to us to love and nurture before his next home. He is a lucky and well loved pup and we hope he will be as loved in his new home.

Wuf!

* hello *

Mmmm..........it's been just over two months since my last entry and this means

1. Been very very busy
2. Been quite busy and partly lazy
3. Procrastinating

I think I'll opt for 2! Hahah....yes, there's a male in my life, keeping me pretty occupied with my days off. I do so want to share what's been going on but....he's pretty demanding, keeping me too tired to type actually.

I will try and post in asap when I can. I must confess.....he is absolutely adorable. Everyone can't resist his charms.

Yes, I am definitely besotted and am missing him when i am away.
I will also post some pics. He's simply gorgeous.

Later........

* Su-Ee *



Well, I did intend to write about dog stories when I started this blog and been straying quite a bit lately. So today, this is about a little dog whose owner decided to give her a makeover!

Su Ee is a three year old shitzu. She stole my friend’s heart in a pet shop who bought her for her daughter. She had dark hair colourings on her head and of course, as all puppies are…simply adorable!

I have only seen Su Ee lately since last year and she is a cutie. Her owner claims she thinks she is a human as she is always in the house and sleeps with her daughter every night. She welcomes you with her charm and next thing you know, she is enjoying a good rub or stroking session with you.

My exasperated friend says she is a hopeless guard dog. Errr….well, she is basically a toy dog. No? She’d run away from the two wooden elephant statuettes that now stand the same height as her when she was younger!

Adorable as she is, I find her quite independent and very attached to her little friend, my friend’s daughter. She would come sit with me whenever I visit as I give her the attention she wants.

Last night, after having spent the whole day out with my friend, we settled down to long gossips in her house. Su Ee as usual was lying in the center and the conversation turned to dogs and my friend began talking about the schnauzers she’d seen at a recent pet show.

She had been toying with the idea of trimming dear Su Ee’s coat to liken the schnauzers! And I guess last night was when it all happened. The poor dog had no chance. Within minutes, the little girl whipped out the scissors and comb and Su Ee found herself being groomed for the second time that day! Yes. My friend’s husband had just spent the afternoon combing her hair out and trimming off her knots etc and I bet the both of them must have been quite tired at the end of it.

Using a picture on the notebook nearby, she began cutting off her hair whilst I brushed another dog’s coat. Snip snip snip and soon it was time to do her head. After an hour of trimming and holding and adjusting and figuring….. they finally have a pseudo schnauzer!

I would say her head has a little likeness to the actual schnauzers, not her body but the idea had been achieved and I doubt Su Ee would actually mind the short coat on her back with the weather being so hot these days.

End of day, although she is the pseudo schnauzer, Su Ee the shitzu still manages to keep that charm she rightly owns. But first…..a nap. It’s been a long day. Heh heh!

Woof! Woof!