* indignation at being understood inapproriately *

It irked me to find out how wrongly I have been made to seem something I am not through a sentence passed on by a supposed close friend to someone I chatted with today. Totally preposterous and very annoying especially from such a close source.

Is that what I seem to be projecting to this person??? How could such a thought be concocted in the first place I cannot comprehend. Of all people....me??!!!

My indignation at being understood inappropriately is overwhelming that this person is fortunate to be well out of reach otherwise.....

So I can be emotional sometimes. Aren't we all? But to the point of stupidity.....to being unstable....
I thank you my friend for this vague misinterpretation.

People ought to be thoughtful and seriously careful when they open their thoughts to others. Specific in most sense as not many are mind readers. Opening sentences and leaving them hanging halfway to any ambiguous assumptions is a serious crime! Some may think they are being clever with words while they may actually hurt the character being spoken of.

In my case...I was assumed to be pitied with my sad life and emotionally unstable to the point of suicidal capabilities! Sad. To think I can be so pathetic in this way.........so yes, I tend to babble when distraught but do I truly seem that weak?

Sigh..........just when you think you know.....

* Guzz's lament *

Hello everyone...







I can't take it anymore!

My nana is driving me bananas!!

Here I am, minding my own business....

when I hear this clicking sound.







There she is, camera in hand aimed at me. I pretend to ignore her loh.....






but alas.....she is persistant. So I shut my eyes but that clicking sound is so annoying.









So I up and move to another wall.

Guess what?!

The mad woman follows me!




Now that blinking light is starting to get on my face and so I shut my eyes.


No....still didn't get the hint.

She had the cheek to call me!



SIGH.....no eye see.....








I changed position with a very, very loud sigh.

You know what she did next?

She came nearer or was it the camera?


Sounded like it was zooming in.

Yes lah, being around her so much I do know what

zooming is about. Cheh! Just because I'm a dog.....


Man....just close my eyes and try ignoring her.

Sigh........I can hear the zoom......please...some peace!



Oh well...........switch places


again and start over. It's just no use.
I'm closing my eyes and she better be gone when I wake up!








HELP! Or else....grrrr.....

~ Sheba ~

When I started this blog, it was mainly about the dogs. Somehow I was distracted along the way and added other non related thoughts in as well. Then I got distracted elsewhere (actually....the word ' lazy ' keeps coming up....)

Anyway....I said I'd be blogging on the rest of the dogs at home but I couldn't find any suitable pictures of them and yes again, distracted. Also, the dogs at mum's are never happy with the camera and especially Sheba, she was the hardest to stay quiet enough to get a good shot.

Sheba came to our home from a pet shop. The boys fell in love with her and promised they'll do the works for her. How untrue. Sigh.... So the rest of us took care of her along with the others while they sought her when they took a break from their games or telly.

We were told that she is of japanese poodle and cocker mix. All I can say, she is not a real beauty but she is kinda cute in her own way. She always had this excitement about her. Her tail never stops wagging whenever she sees us and it is mostly difficult to pat her without having to tell her to lay down first. She'd be so jumpy and lots of endless licking..... Each time I see her, I have to say ' Down ' and she lays down on her belly eagerly for coming affections.

Sheba is adorable with her endless hyper energy. A kind of nervous energy yet happy and always excited. She used to get Guzz in trouble with his father as she got them all excited with her bounding energy and wrecklessness. The two of them would run all over the place and anything that was in their way....well, let's just say they never saw them.

Yes, Samo would eventually get fed up with the frenzied behaviour of these two and he would step in and try to stop (or get involved) and gets all riled up when it becomes too much for him and so... Guzz gets snapped at. Snapping at Sheba would just set her off in the other direction whereas Guzz in his later years decided to return his father's snaps and that became a different matter if not controlled.

Sheba, Samo and Sayang were all about the same age when they joined our household in their own time. After the first year, Samo hooked up with Sayang and that's how we have Guzz. Then when Guzz cleared his first year, Sheba had a batch of two puppies whom I called Casper and Rascal.

Best joke is, we still don't actually know who is the father as each pup looks like the two heros at home. Yes....Rascal looked exactly like Samo with the same long legs and short coat and hair colour. Casper on the other hand bore Guzz's features as a pup from colour to hair texture.

Sheba as a mother remained the little girl she'd always been. Playful and energetic. We gave the two pups away when they were bigger. She carried on the same as always.

Sheba is tied in the back kitchen every evening, a few feet apart from Samo. Yes, we do tie them as they get rather rowdy and into the garden patch where mum and maid pride in their green thumbs. So every chance we get, we let them loose for a few hours with a very watchful eye.

She always knew when there was someone eating in the kitchen. She'd get up and stare at you, tail wagging, hoping for a crumb or piece. Even when she is being antisocial, all you need to do is to rustle a bag of food and she's standing there peering into the doorway to see what you are having.

Recently Sheba had some very bad skin problem, fungus or bacteria related. The vet gave me a wash and some bath solution for her along with some antibiotics etc. Her skin cleared up a bit and she started gaining back her appetite. I left on the 14th for work overseas and got home yesterday i.e. the 22nd.

I looked for her and asked the maid how was she doing. Maid got all quiet and I knew. Sheba was no longer with us. Seems she had lost her appetite again a few days later and had gotten weaker. The vet said it was kinder to put her to sleep as she didn't seem to be getting better. So on friday the 20th, dear Sheba had gone to dog heaven.

As mum said "She won't be staring at me whenever I am eating. RIP" In other words... We will miss her funny face and hyper energy. Love you Sheba.

* what a day *

~January 28th 2007 ~

Today, my day started out just fine and I went for lunch with my friends. They thought of trying out this particular restaurant we'd been frequenting but at a different branch. When we got there, they only had clothes on the racks instead of food! Yep, this branch did not have a restaurant as some of the others. Hahaha!

So we headed to the famous TGIF instead. What else would I order but the delicious Jack Daniel's Barbecued beef ribs of course! It was a good lunch. :) We had fantastic company and funny catch ups and good service.

After lunch, we split and went window shopping for awhile and then I headed home in time to take Guzz and Sheba for their evening walk. As usual, they tried to drag me asap to their usual spots behind the house, darting in between overhanging sugar cane leaves and jerking on my arm.

They do that everytime and I'm sure the whole neighbourhood think I'm rather mad for talking to the dogs. I would tell them to go right or left or "not on the tires Guzz" or "walk by the side" as if the dogs understood me! Honestly, they do. Seriously, after they have gotten over their initial excitement, they turn into two perfect angels, walking calmly ahead of me, oblivious to anyone passing us.

After a chat with the neighbours, I went to mum's and was told my opposite house neighbour's dog was in an accident. It seems the brother had accidentally rolled over one of the dogs, suspecting over her hips. Being a sunday, no vets were open and our regular was stuck in some far away town at that time. He did tell them to put her in a cage so she wouldn't move about so much thus hurting herself more till tomorrow morning.
So I went over and had a good look. Apart from a small wound on her inner hind leg and some red patches of blood, she didn't seem to have any broken bones protruding. She was pale and seemed to breathe a bit harder than normal. Got my trusty antiseptic gel and applied to her wounds temporarily and got her cleaned up and settled her in the cage.

We managed to get her to drink some water before that when earlier on she didn't want to eat at all. I even tried tempting her with a rib from my lunch which drove the others crazy....but she just did not want it. :( My young neighbour who summoned my help was already crying as he felt her not lasting the night. I was quite content after seeing her drinking the water and sitting up for awhile after we cleaned her etc.

A couple of hours later, I heard the doorbell ring and my heart beat faster. Then there was a knock on my room door and he stood there telling me softly that she had gone. I went over and confirmed it. Together, we bundled her up and placed her safely away from the others. Tomorrow, either she will be buried or sent to the vet to help dispose in the incinerator.

Sad because she was a lovely pup. She had these unusual brown patches on her soft beautiful white coat and her eyes....sky blue. And now she's somewhere out there in the big blue sky. God rest her soul.

And so this is how my birthday ended. Happy and sad. All in a day's tale.

* cute or not? *

Ok...I simply don't know how to actually blog this without drawing wrath or maybe cause some wrinkles in disgust or dismay.....but I shall try to wreathe these true series of events as carefully as I can without wronging anyone. Yes, yes...i am in a 'wr..' mode with dictionary at hand to inspire the way the story will be written.

Less than a week ago, I heard Guzz's dog tag hit the ground too often. Either he was lying down and his tag dragged on the floor with his wriggling or he was attacking something small causing his tag to hit the floor each time he bent down.

By the time I got to the door, the little poor rat was wrestled to death. I called out to Guzz to leave it while I opened the door and stood there looking first at it to make sure it didn't move otherwise that would have wreaked total chaos if it got up and ran across my feet!

Then I looked at Guzz, he looks at me and then at the rat and we kept shifting eye contact for another 45 seconds while I wrangled with my inner self on what to do next! I gave Guzz another wrathful glare and he stepped back. With a long pair of tongs and a plastic bag, I prodded at it to make sure.

I tell you, it was no easy task for me. I kept apologising to this little dead rat for its death and making sure the bag was opened wide enough with the top folded over halfway.....I gingerly picked it up and felt my heart drop as its lifeless body folded over. Quickly I slipped it into the opening and lifted the sides and tied it up with three knots!

Sigh...yes, I was afraid of this lifeless tiny fella and it made me sad that the cycle of life had to be such. I couldn't really wreak much wrath at Guzz cos he was doing something natural and he took it as his duty to do a good job thus I was obligated to reward him. In case you had not read my earlier ramblings, I did write about how I chastise him for letting the mickeys run freely in our place. ETC

Anyway, two days later...I was in my porch with Guzz and I saw a strange shape from the stand amongst the plants. There was a drabby plastic cover over the stand and I moved to the left to have a better look. That was when it moved!!

There it was, sitting on my empty pots and staring back at me with a 'errr....think I'm done' look on its face. One more step to the left and it disappeared behind the stand and ran off along the side wall to the drain and this was when Guzz realised and gave chase. It was also then I thought I heard some squeeks made not by one but more.

I mentioned this to my neighbour that night and he prepared the trap. I carefully placed it near the stand with some pot plants around it to prevent Guzz from moving it and went into the house.

As I set about arranging 300 photo prints into correct piles I heard Guzz's tag move the wrong way and I knew. Reaching for the keys and a torch, Guzz was already yelping in excitement. I went to call my neighbour and he came and took it away, surprised cos it was not more than 25 minutes since I took it from him!

While waiting for him to reset the trap, I shone my torch around the area hoping to see more when I realised the last inch of a tail was in view in the drain below me. I almost jumped out of my skin and cast the light in that direction. The tail disappeared and later a face peered at me.

Once again, the trap set, I went back to my pile but was interrupted within ten minutes. Guzz was more frantic this time to get at it and I had to tie him so I could get my neighbour again. He was surprised as well at how fast it took.

So once again I tried shining my torch around while waiting for him to bring back the trap. And so again, I went back to the waiting pile. Within half an hour I heard loud squeeks but nothing from Guzz. I looked outside my window and there was Guzz trying to get close but not making a sound while the little mickey was squeeking furiously in the trap. He must have figured by keeping quiet, he'd get more time to 'play' with it before it disappeared.

Again my neighbour came and we kinda laughed at how gullible these three little fellas were caught in such a short space of time! It was truly the case of the blind leading the blind. What sadden me was, none of them were anywhere as big as the one who stared at me from the stand. These three 'blind 'rats were babies actually. They must have a nest or a familiar area in my place to keep coming back. Also I think they were hungry.

We set the trap for the fourth time and this time I said I was not coming out to check. It'd have to wait till the morning which remained empty for the rest of the day. I was away the next morning and I had asked for help to clear my potted plants and also to check for the 'nest' - in case.

The maid found it was occupied and I noticed my neighbour was not in. So we placed the trap aside while we cleared and cleaned the place. Guzz went ballistics, I had to keep yelling at him to pipe down. I looked at it and it was another young one and my heart melted. I felt sorry for it and........quickly threw in a small slice of bread.

As we continued with our work, we snuck some glances to see if it was active. When it was quiet, we thought it had fainted or died but as we neared it, it scurried to the other end. It was a scorcher today and I realised the little fella must be feeling as hot as us. So I poured some water on one end of the bread it had partially eaten and it was touching to see it lapping at the sides where it flowed out from the side of the bread.

I told the maid, if my neighbour was not back in the hour, we'll let it go in some field. Not the right thing to do given the fact of what damage they are capable of when older but I was kinda getting soft on it.

Of course as the way things went, he was back in ten minutes and came over to collect his trap and the cute fella. Believe me, I would have liked to set it free but realistically...these mickeys have wrecked quite a number of my things and I am afraid they may pass some disease to Guzz while entering his food container someday.

What saddens me mostly is, including the one Guzz caught earlier and these four , they were all babies. Where are the parents? If they are so smart, why did they not keep their babies at bay? Questions. No answers. Well at least not from the horse's mouth or mickey, in this blog.

So, I can't wrap this with wit or wry and please don't be mad at me for being soft or silly. It was hard to write about it but I felt it had to be told. Life is such; when young, all is cute and adorable but some turn on you when they get older and that's where the circle of life's realities set in.

Sigh....goodbye my babies. Wish you were not on my watch though.

* what's friendship? *

Whenever people tell me how nice I am and that they are rooting for me to meet the right man and settle down blah, blah, blah.....I feel like a hypocrite. I don't feel flattered nor pleased because of the shit that happens to me.

Many times, whenever I get too close with new found friendships, I get the cold treatment from out of the blue for no reason. I usually don't get a chance to ask why or given an answer. I end up getting depressed wondering what happened slowly working up to agitation being shuffed in the cold with no explanation and disappointment at maybe losing a friendship that I thought was going so well.

After I get into the angry zone and don't care to know anymore; most come back as if nothing's happened and expect things to pick up from where they left off. And that's when I get blooming pissed off cos I can't pretend and I end up being the nasty one cos I am not understanding and good enough to let it go.

Heck! Let what go??!!! I was given the cold shoulder; made to feel the cause of the cold ~ whatever it was; made to feel I had probably wronged with my directness and ought to have done something about it...and now I should be more understanding and take the blame (of what?) and put it all behind us like nothing's happened???

I have had enough of this bullshit. It's been happening a bit too often and I am fed up of having to apologise for anything that I might have said or done to offend my 'victims' when I am not even given the chance to know why the cold came about in the first place.

All that I had been during the good times, my good and bad sides; my happiness and problems were all shared from the heart and with sincerity. I accepted my friends with all their good and bad and whatever shit they gave I took in good faith and friendship. If there was anything I didn't like, I would say so. Sometimes eventually, pussy footing to their sensitiveness. Sometimes I don't say anything cos I know they can't accept. But I still keep it going, adjusting to their ways of thinking and not be easily affected by their idiosyncrasies as I have mine too.

I know I too can be a bit much and I try to catch myself in time and apologise accordingly before I hurt them badly. Yet, the gesture is not returned to me in some cases and I still go past it sometimes grumbling but I take it. I don't put people in the cold unless they totally 'up my blood'. They would know cos I would tell them a few times that I am getting annoyed and when they continue to do so, I keep quiet. More so that I don't end up saying the wrong thing.

Most times, these people know I am pissed and they would keep away and somehow look victimised. Me, I just keep quiet, not expecting any apologies or anything. Just some time to cool off and see how. But the others, in good faith try to patch us up. Somehow, I get told off for not being more understanding of my 'victim's' ways and to bring back the warmth!

Why is it that I always have to be the 'one' to make things right when I was wronged in the first place? All these bullshit about being patient and forget about it and take it easy and be the better one, etc.....I end up the bad guy they are trying to reform!

Enough is enough. If a friend gives me the cold shoulder without explaining and later wants things to go back as if nothing happened without resolving the initial problems first....forget it. After having berated myself, my personality and made to look the heel for the whole fiasco created by someone else in the first place.......I have sat in the cold too long to want to listen to any reasoning.

A simple,' Hey friend, sorry about what happened ....'.would have softened me and I would go into a 'yeah, what the hell happened?' and knowing me, I'd be trying to resolve the whole thing asap. But to ignore what happened and start again...that'd be difficult cos I'd still be in the dark about what actually happened and I'd be on my guard more and that would put a strain on the whole friendship thing.

I don't know if I am making any sense here. I am just tired of being misunderstood for my honesty and sincerity and beliefs. I am tired of being everybody's scape goat when they get sensitive. I am tired of trying to solve something I know nothing about. I am tired of being told I am a nice person because I sure as hell don't feel I deserve that at all.

Because for me to feel all this tiredness and being fed up and being put in the cold a few times....I must be a bad person to have this happening to me. So please, I am who I am. Crass, direct and opinionated. Helpful, sincere and willing to listen doesn't necessarily make me a nice person. Sounds more nosy than good.

I only ask for your sincerity as a friend and truth. The rest...we work on it together.
Shalom.

* Chirpy chirp Guzz *

~ 02 august 2006 ~

I have to blog this because it's been going on too long. The dog is either too kind or just lazy .

At first it was cute when I noticed some birds would perch on his food bowl and help themselves while he sat a short distance away watching the road. He knew they were there and he was fine with it. Sometimes they'd be on the floor walking about around him while he sits there, smiling.

Yes, my dog has a smile or at least a pleasant face when he is at ease. I live near a school and the kids mostly can't resist calling out at him when he sits at the gate watching them. Many who have waited in front of my place for their rides tend to pat him and the bugger likes it. Some watchdog.

He likes kids and people. Little Vincent from next door, about a year and half years old; is one of Guzz's favourite. When I used to chat with his mum over the fence, Guzz would stand on my flower pots (which stood in between us) for better leverage so as to get a better look at the small boy.

Now Vincent is wobbling around on his own and whenever Guzz hears him outside, he is there paws up on the wall, trying to peer into the other side. Even Vincent is getting used to Guzz and has sometimes put a hand through the fence to touch Guzz. Very touching sight actually, brings tears to your eyes as these two slowly connect....HAHAHAHA

Anyway, back to the birds.....they are a pain. They get together on my gate, 'chirp chirping' non stop at the top of their high voices without any consideration. Sometimes they start so early, I can't sleep. I honestly didn't find them a bother until they started showing their ungrateful side.

Those birds poo everywhere. They poo down my gate, my wall, my car, Guzz's doghouse and even on my porch floor when the car isn't there! It was so annoying cos sometimes by the time I get back, it's been there a couple of days and God knows what they eat, it is quite difficult to totally clean off some of it! Plus these ungrateful free loaders sometimes poo in poor Guzz's water bowl and feed bowl!

Talk about manners. I've been barking at Guzz for some time about it now and he occassionally does a 'shoo' when I am within sight. He even allows Mickey around. My neighbour said he's seen a tiny head bop over the bowl a few times. The dog is sharing his food with the rat!

I once saw a rat run across the front of my house. It saw me coming out and it ran as fast as it could from the direction of my flower pots! And where was my trusted watchdog? Relaxing in the center of the porch and not a twitch when the fella scurried away right in front of his eyes!!

When I shouted then did Guzz realise I was behind him and he quickly did a big show of jumping up and running to where we last saw mickey's tail disappear! Oh..he put up a good show alright, turning abruptly at the scene of disappearance then towards me and then sniffed along the starting trail then again towards me....the whole show took a mere minute before I gave in to the tirade I released on him.

He looked pretty contrite as I berated him about the birds and now mickey. Blah, blah, blah and he just sat there, trying to look as sorry as he could. Two days later, I almost died when I saw Sonny (remember him?) sniffing at something soft near the car door. Guzz had placed the dead mickey in front of the car door so that I won't miss it when I came out! Of course, he was praised and given rewards. I still cringe at how I had to rid off the dead rat. So soft and ...so soft. Urgh!

Anyway, everything is back to the beginning. The birds are back and new mickeys around cos they had actually come into my house and gnawed on the bottom of his biscuits box. And I am back to barking at him about it and he does his song and dance quite a bit since.

Honestly, I don't mind the birds and mickey. As long as they stay outside and not mess up my place or attack my things, it's okay. But my dog....he is just too kind to them and somedays I don't know whether to squeeze every breath out of him in anger or squeeze him with love for his kind soul.

Sigh.........

* get over it *

~ 01st august 2006 ~

After blogging my fears of an impending trip yesterday, I watched The Skeleton Key starring Kate Hudson. Wasn't a wee bit afraid during or after. The idea was, as I could not sleep, I might as well watch a movie and as this was the nearest, I thought to myself, "why not? Since I am already spooked, maybe this might help."

Well, the only good thing that came out of the whole thing was I managed to sleep through the whole night without waking up several times as usual. Maybe cos I was too exhausted with the lacking and disturbed sleep lately.

My friend offered to book me a room at a hotel nearby but I turned it down as I am travelling in a group. He said he's been to the same hotel many times and nothing has happened to him. Assuring me that room 1002 is haunted cos he's been there! Haha?

Look. I am not saying as if everyone who stays there will by affected by this ghost. It's just a story I heard from friends who knew some people who were and it's all playing in my mind now. That's all.

Why do we let our minds think this way to scare ourselves? It's so stupid is it not? But is that not the trappings of the human mind? Some see things that are not there; some hear voices; some believe themselves incapable of doing certain things when they are in every way capable; some others think they are in full control ( these scare me...:P ); some...like me, have over active imaginations.

Sad really at how we let our minds control us yet that is the one thing we depend on a lot. Our minds keep us informed and thinking and moving. Just that some of us get carried away in other areas brought on by our weaknesses or chemical imbalances in the brain or whatever.

Anyway, I just wanna say ' Thank you ' to my friend for his valiant efforts to appease my mind today. A poor attempt at humour didn't really help as I needed more than words but coming from him who believes it's all in the mind, it was a nice gesture to offer some alternative and his cheers. Though I know that these were not his intentions, I did feel a slap in the face and an underlining message... "get over it" somewhere.

I guess I will have to get over with it as I am still going and I will be on my own and like it or not, face the whole damn shit! I wish I had a simpler mind and am not so easily spooked by these stories...It's not about being tough or strong or about believing in God or being able to handle it but... who am I to say?

So what's the verdict? Just bloody get over it!
Yeah....................................right!