~ 03rd January 2010 ~
I'm losing my best friend of 9 years as I type. My dear Guzz is pulling his every breath, gaspin in slow rhythm. His eyes are open, glazed and unfocused whilst his body is getting cold and slightly stiffening. He does not respond to me anymore. It's as if he is not there anymore yet his body is gaspin to breathe still.
Let me start from some months back when I noticed he was losing weight drastically. I called the vet but he had been so busy he forgot to come. From my experiences, I suspected heartworms. He was tested some time back and had early signs and started on meds and monthly tablets. But I knew this would come some day and I dreaded it as we went through similar process with Guzz's dad. His organs were slowly compromised but his spirit was still strong. He would sit on all fours, his head held up straight and his paws crossed in front. His eyes boring arrogantly into yours as they said ," What's your problem?" He was a proud one until he could not hold his head up high any longer.
I did forget to call the vet when I could and kept remembering when I was not free. Today I finally admitted to myself that my subconscious had made this happen cos I was afraid of what the vet would say. That it would be best to put him to sleep, an act I was not ready for. Despite his skin and bones demeanour, his appetite never wavered, finishing his every meal in record time for a sick weak dog. He would lay in one spot without moving due to his weakening body but would be at the gate before I can say stop when a stray or cat passes by. He would sometimes still 'help' me where Pupster is concerned who still thinks he's part kangaroo and hops over Guzz when he does his dash about!
Today, he was moving slower than his recent slow moves. I noted his darker stools past few days and I knew it was soon. Then I saw the throw ups....and not long after I saw him breathing hard. His body heaved hard with every breath he took. I scooped him up in my arms and laid him on a towel. Later I brought him into the house so I could be with him easily. It's almost 3 hours since I first saw him breathing hard. Now he's doing a slow laboured rhythmic gasp and all I can do is pray for him to go quickly. By the way, it's sunday and I can't get the vet in case some of you are wondering.
I may seem callous to be blogging next to my dying pet but there is nothing I can do other than sit beside him . He's stopped responding to me ever since he started 3 hours ago. I try to keep him comfortable as best as possible and wait. Wait...
I'm going to miss him....my pet, my buddy, my son. My smart alec with his 'knowing' eyes, his way of teasing and helpful gestures, his actions that shows he understands what you say leaving your hairs to stand, his moments of showing his love by rubbing up against you, barking instructions as I reverse into the porch, not budging when you drive in leaving you minimal space to move, etc, etc, etc. Nine years together, nine years of love, laughter and scares and fun. Nine years of good unforgettable company. A sweet buddy, I will miss his bark, his presence, him.