~ 04th January 2010 ~
Part two : All night I laid on the sofa beside Guzz, waking every now and then to check if he was still breathing. It was so miserable to not emit any response from him but watching his listless body move gently as he breathed on. Each time I prayed for him to go as soon as possible. I remembered the Chinese saying that when a person passes on early in the morning, it is good cos they leave everything to you and I felt as if Guzz was hanging on for that. Silly notion yes but I like to think he may have....
I woke up early and he was the same. I started my morning prepping for the day and soon I was off to the market. I told him I was going to the market for awhile before I left. Marketing was moodless on my part and yet I managed to come home with a bit of things. Lunch was packed because I knew I would not be in the right frame of mind to do it as I did not know when he would be going considering I expected him to go the night before!
I drove into the porch and walked two doors away to speak with our neighbour and told him of Guzz's current condition. Whilst I was there I heard Pupster give a strange short cry and I felt a tug. Soon after I went home and walked straight in and dumped the bags on the kitchen table. I headed back to Guzz and noted the cloth I covered him had moved. My heart sank! He was still warm but there was no more movement. Placed my hand on him and felt no vibration. He had just passed on and I had missed his passing. I checked the clock and put his time of death around 8am. About 12 hours he had gone through his respiratorial failure. Only in the early hours of the morning did it seem to take a gentle rhythm as if he were sleeping.
Dear, dear Guzz, he had waited for me to go out so as not to let me watch him go. Much as I would like to say I had let him go quite a while back but it did not help to actually face it and it was all I could do to hold it all together as I started to prepare for his body wrap. Something I had done so many times in the past with all our past pets and some friends'. It was not easy to cover him up and place him in a big bag but I knew he is better now in doggie heaven.
Haha...fancy me with doggie heaven in my vocab but yes, there is still a part of me that still believes in these little myths or tales or whatever you wanna call it. A soft spot of mine especially to those who can't talk. But there were many moments when I had half expected Guzz to start talking from the way he was behaving to my words. It would of course, put me either speechless or on the floor from a heart attack! He was a really smart dog and assuredly endorsed by my neighbours and friends.
I was surprised to watch the reactions of some of my neighbours as they went from shock to sadness and reminiscing their tales of him. He was loved or dilsliked by many as he was beautiful to look at, cheeky to some, belligerent to a handful, unexpectingly smart as anything at certain moments and funnily spontaneous to most....to list a few.
He hated being coddled and would look to me for help when some of my friends cuddled him or hugged him too hard or too long. He would huff and puff loudly whenever I was in the mood to take his pictures, mostly turning away and giving me what I didn't want. He was always helping me without me asking, even in getting Pupster in line when he was sick. His intuition and anticipation was infallible and shocking and unexpected. He was indeed one of the smartest dog I have ever had.
He turned 9 in November last year. He already looked aged since he got sick earlier on. Somedays he looked so old and haggard, not budging from weakness and 'couldn't be bothered' attitude. Other days he was perky and in your face as if nothing was wrong. On better days he would dash to the gate to bristle against passing strays or cats before I could say stop! Meal time was hazardous as he ate every single biscuit as soon as his bowl was laid down for him. I had to be careful when feeding him other stuff by hand as he would just grab the food and your hand in one go! He could still peg down boisterous Pupster when the latter got too far into his face. Hahah.
Yes yes, Guzz had a lot of qualities everyone remembers in spurts and fondness. He had indeed touched many people from the comments and feedbacks I've had through the years and especially today after they found out of his passing. Yes, he will be missed by many, by Pupster who is not as noisy as norm today and by his nana who tried her best to give him a comfortable time especially whilst he was sick.
My days will be rather boring without him and his various antics. Hopefully his number one adoring fan will keep up his antics alongside his own. Hopefully he had picked up many of Guzz's good perceptions and deeds. However, Pupster is a dog of his own mind and no matter how he tried to keep as close as possible to Guzz's side each time, I cannot hope for him to be another Guzz who, will be hard to replace. He had touched many neighbours down this street with some action or other. Even baby's first word was 'Guzz'.
I told the kids Guzz has gone on a holiday and won't be returning soon but these are smart kids. They sensed and they do miss him. He may not have loved kids but he behaved around them and kept them safe from the ever boisterous Pupster. He was a rare jewel. One of a kind.
I will miss him cos I helped his mother during the deliveries. I opened the sacs and cut the cords and dried them before nestling them right up to mummy. I cared for them till they found new homes. I chose Guzz because he was the only black gray out of the litter. The rest took after their mother's white coat or their father's tan coat! Where his black came from, we don't know but he soon lost them as he got older blossoming into his mother's beautiful long coat and features and his father's tan colour leaving a trace of black in the tips of his ears and tail. I will miss him because he was literally like a son to me, threw his paw down when he did not want to do as told or did as told like any other kid. He knew how and when to be helpful.
Sigh....I apologise for repeating and rambling, I just miss my Guzz and there are so many memories of him that I would love to share but not now. Maybe someday when it is less painful and I can see the funny sides of them.
Thank you all for your kind messages. They were a comfort and I believe Guzz would rest easy knowing I have such good friends like you.